My hospital stay was a little longer than expected but I was well taken care of. It was not the experience I thought I would have though. My postpartum journey had a rough start.
Let’s start with “The Golden Hour”. That 1st hour after your baby is born. I remember it going by really fast for me. Part of that was being stitched up from my episiotomy/tearing. I had a 2nd degree tear and it took a little while for him to stitch it up.
One funny thing did happen in the midst of that but not quite sure what happened exactly… It was after my placenta was delivered and I don’t believe I had started being stitched up yet. All of a sudden, blood went EVERYWHERE. I mean everywhere. It went all over my husband, the floor, the cabinets, the drawers, and yes… the ceiling. Everything was fine and we laughed about it honestly. If I had to guess, I think it came from my placenta but I guess I’ll never know.
I did have a couple annoying symptoms afterwards. The shakes were still there that I had during labor but there’s nothing to do for that but wait for them to stop. I also just felt really itchy. Some spots were worse than others like where the blood pressure cuff had been sitting on my arm all that time. I asked for Benadryl or something but that would have passed through my breastmilk and I was planning to try breastfeeding. They did provide me with a cool rag which helped way more than I expected.
They sat me up after I was put back together, got me in a clean gown, and I was just busy admiring my girl. I remember she stopped crying for the 1st time when I looked in her eyes and I talked to her. Since I was planning to breastfeed, I asked the nurse if I could try. That 1st feed was so natural and seamless. Of course, it was a little awkward just doing something new for the 1st time. Even though it was the middle of the night, our families were in the waiting room so my husband decided it was time to go tell the family.
I’ll tell this part from the perspective of my sister. I believe it was after 2 in the morning and my husband walks in covered in blood… not a good starting point. All he said was “she’s here”. The family then asked “how’s Natalie?”. He said “she’s good”. That’s about it. He looked as if he had been through a trauma. For someone covered in blood, in the middle of the night, after watching his wife give birth (he saw all of it), I think that’s a fair thing to say haha.
When he came back from telling the family, my husband had brought me a coke to drink. While I was in labor, I saw him drinking one and I continued to requested that I wanted one after I gave birth. I regretted this later. Towards the end of that first hour, the nurse tried to get me to stand and possibly attempt to walk to the bathroom. No way that was going to happen. My legs were still feeling really heavy and kind of numb at this point. I did stand up, not well though. Within a few seconds, I said that I was going to throw up. We quickly sat me back down, she gets me a bag, and I throw up. My husband walks back in the room at this point and was quite confused how things went south all of a sudden. We decided to wait a while to try standing again.
At an hour, the nursery comes in to do the 1st assessment, weight, and all the things. She had her 1st picture taken by her weight of 7 lbs and 5 oz. The nurse did great at reviewing everything with us and went over the paperwork. Right as she asked me to sign it, I said that I was going to puke again… She quickly gets a bag but not quite fast enough. Half made it in my hand/on my new clean gown and the other half in the bag. My husband signed the paperwork for us while I got cleaned up. The nurses then changed me into another clean gown, which was number 3.
After my stomach calms down, we decide to try getting me into the wheelchair to head to my postpartum room. I was honestly terrified to try but I, not so gracefully, was able to get into the wheelchair. My nausea kicked back in real quick though. I held a puke bag going down to my room just in case. We go past the waiting room and wave to all the family then proceed down a very long hallway. Finally, we stop at the 2nd to last room on the left. This room was very small... Turns out it was a NICU mom room because it's all they had left at the time. I was hoping my nausea would have gone down at this point but it hadn't. The nurses were very patient with me since I didn't feel ready to move to the bed. After a few minutes, I finally threw up for the 3rd time. My stomach settled down and I was moved into the bed. At this point, it's about 4am.
Once I had gotten settled, my husband went to go get the family. Everyone got to meet her but it was brief since it was the middle of the night. I fed her again since it had been a few hours. Soon after, the nursery came to get her for an assessment which they do at shift change every 12 hours. They would have her back in about an hour and we said that was fine. We took the opportunity to get some sleep.
My poor husband was on a chair that lays out but it was broken and trying to fold up on him. Plus, he is a tall man so it was rough. I passed out. I have a vague memory of thinking I heard someone at some point but being way too tired to move at all or be bothered to open my eyes apparently. After 3 hours, I woke up a little and checked the time. Then I panicked because she needed to be fed. I call the nursery and they bring her back to our room. Apparently they did try to bring her back but could see we needed to sleep so just brought her back to the nursery. That turned out to be such a blessing because this is the one and only time I slept at the hospital, not for a lack of trying.
Eventually, I finally felt like I needed to go to the bathroom which they told me to call a nurse for so I did. I am amazed that my bladder made it to the bathroom and even the nurse was a little shocked at the amount and the blood clots. Not concerned though. She showed me what to do and how to get cleaned up. I thought this part might be a little awkward but I was honestly so grateful to have a nurse help me.
That morning, we also signed for the birth certificate which was different than I thought it would be. At our hospital, they call you on the room phone and get the information then bring it to you typed to review and sign. I also changed her 2nd meconium diaper (since I made my husband change the 1st haha). He was amazed that the 2nd diaper had even more.
My husband had walked to the vending machine at one point and saw one of the normal and bigger postpartum rooms. He quickly went to the nurses station and asked if we could get moved to one of those (at this point, we did not know that our room was a NICU mom room). They explained that as soon as a room was ready after discharges that morning we would be moved. That move was the BEST. More space, easier to have people visit, and my husband had a couch he could lay on.
Breastfeeding started to get more difficult around the 3rd or 4th feeding. Her feedings were very long. She would fall asleep. It also began to get quite painful, nipple butter helped once I remembered to use it.
By that night and she's almost 24 hours old, I am starting to have a really hard time but don't know how to ask for help. My husband asked if I was okay. I shook my head "no" and just started balling my eyes out. He reminded me that we are a team and are doing this together. Breastfeeding was so hard and I felt like it was all on me. I couldn't sleep. I felt nauseated and had no appetite. My hormones are doing who knows what. Since she had just been fed, my husband suggested having the nursery take her for a while so we could take a breather.
The nurses must see this all the time because she was completely unfazed by my breakdown. My husband laid in bed with me and held me while I cried. I decided to stand in the shower just to let the water run over me as I cried some more. Not sure how long I was in there but it felt like quite a while. Once I catch my breath, I get dressed and back in bed. We brought our Chromecast and set it up on the TV in the room. On YouTube, there is a channel called Good Mythical Morning. We watched 1 video and I was able to laugh and get out of my head for a moment. Then I thought it would be a good idea to try to get some sleep. Right after I laid down, I just started to cry again and was never able to fall asleep.
A couple hours go by and she was brought back to be fed. It seemed to be impossible. She would only feed for a minute and then fall asleep. I did what I called "flipping her like a fish". If she fell a sleep I would flip her to the other side in hopes to wake her up. At times, I wanted to give up and just let her sleep but I knew she had to eat. Eventually I realized that it had been about 6 or 7 hours since she actually ate. I called the nurses station and asked for the lactation consultant.
It didn't take long for her to get there. I was explaining and the 1st thing she said, in a serious tone, was "she has to eat every 2 to 3 hours". So I was already stressed, confused, and feeling guilty that I'm failing my 1 day old daughter and then I felt like I was in trouble. I was asked "what I needed". So I just start balling my eyes out again. The problem was that I didn't know what I needed. I just needed her to eat. Eventually we decided for her to get me a hand pump, a few syringes that I could use to collect and feed her with, and some formula in case I decided to supplement.
I ended up expressing and collecting with the syringe to feed her and she finally latched to finish. The plan was for me to get discharged that evening but due to that scenario, they were keeping us an extra night. I understood it was so I could have more help and we could get more established with breastfeeding but I just wanted to go home.
While we were there, the best thing was having friends and family come visit. I am very extroverted so it didn't matter that I was beyond sleep deprived. The closest people to us would lift my spirit and created some beautiful memories during a difficult time for me.
They would bring food which I ate what I felt able to since I didn't have much of an appetite. At one point, the lady who brings my meals noticed that I wasn't eating them or eating much. She explained that she doesn't have to bring them if we don't want or need them. I asked she still would just in case I felt up to eating which she kindly continued to do.
We also chose to utilize the nursery many times while we were there. I remember thinking that I would not have her leave the room more than needed but it was a huge blessing. She wasn't there all the time but every once and a while when we needed a moment. In our hospital, there is a quiet time from 2pm-4pm every day where there are no visitors and no one will come bother you. So one time after she was fed and it was 2pm she went to the nursery so we could rest. Since newborns are active sleepers and constantly make noise, I couldn't help but jump and always be on high alert. One of my biggest tips is to utilize the nursery. They are a resource for you while you are there.
Baby girl was also a side sleeper from day 1 which was a little stressful at times. She also had terrible reflux from the beginning. One time she almost suffocated, like literally could not breath because of her spit up. She turned completely red with no air moving and my husband sucked everything out of her nose and mouth. I was holding her frozen in fear and felt so out of my element. She was only a day old.
Also don't be afraid to ask for anything you may need. My heartburn was still flaring up so I would ask for Tums. The one thing I should have asked for was nausea medicine. I just started to assume that it was normal but I now realize that it wasn't as normal as I thought. I think I got some pain medicine one time when I finally admitted how much my episiotomy was bothering me. Maybe I should have requested it more based on the level of discomfort and pain I was having honestly.
We finally made it to the morning that we were being discharged. I called the pediatrician and got her first appointment scheduled. My nurse and my daughter's nurse walked in as I was on the phone and patiently waited. I hung up the phone and said "let me put it in my phone before I forget". We had a good little giggle over it.
My nurse went over my discharge and I understood all of it. They had prescribed me naproxen which is typical of everyone to my understanding. She then asked if I felt like I needed any pain medicine. I said "that would be nice". She grinned and said "if I had an episiotomy I would want some pain meds too". I felt so seen for that small moment.
The nurse for my daughter reviewed everything and showed us the cute papers with her footprints. Since it was only a few days to Christmas, they also gave us a stocking that she could fit in for a cute picture which we took home to do at some point. Then there was a moment that changed the positive mood. She said "she has lost 12% of her body weight, don't let it get to 15%". I felt defeated and like it was all my fault because of that one long time between feedings. What I didn't know at the time is the 12% is considered normal and she was still healthy.
We packed up, took everything the hospital allows us, and I was wheeled to the car. We finally went home on December 22nd so Christmas was coming soon. It was time to settle in to our new normal.
My Takeaways
Asking for Help
I just didn't know when or how to ask for help for a while. My husband would check in often which was the best. My struggle was not wanting to inconvenience anyone else. I felt like I was supposed to carry the load which I know is not meant to be carried alone. I had my husband, family, and friends there that were willing and wanting to help.
Do your research ahead of time
I did my research to understand my options in labor which was extremely helpful to me. My understanding of postpartum was pretty general. Most of my focus was on what I needed to know about caring for my baby but I not know to take care of myself. I just assumed things were normal and okay but they were not. I didn't ask for what I needed because I didn't know what I needed. I feared speaking up about my pain or literally inability to fall asleep. I believed the response would be what most of my pregnancy was which is "that's normal". Don't be afraid to ask or bring anything up. No one can help if they don't know what you are experiencing.
My extra night stay was the best thing for me
I wanted to go home earlier, at the normal time. In the moment, I was upset and frustrated. Now I can see how good that was for me. We had the nursery to lean on for a little longer. That way both me and my husband had a moment to breath. It allowed me more time to be able to ask questions if I needed to. Just an extra layer of support for a little bit longer.
Bring a sound machine
I remember seeing this tip when I was pregnant and thinking that it doesn't make sense. I planned to use a sound machine with her at some point but not right at the beginning. The sound machine in the hospital is more for you than the baby. The hospital sounds didn't bother me much. It was mainly her little active sleeper sounds. Obviously it is important to hear your baby if they need you but a little white noise to help you rest is definitely worth it.
Don’t feel like you have to take pictures
I’m not someone who is great about taking pictures. Social media made me believe that in most circumstances it is a magical and beautiful time. For me, that time wasn’t as magical and beautiful as I have seen portrayed on social media. Some people truly have a magical experience and should share and capture that beauty if they choose to. You don’t have to if you don’t want to though. The 1st picture of me holding my baby girl makes me so sad. You can see how out of it I was and was not doing well at all. It truly makes me want to cry. I’m grateful for it as a reminder to see how much better of a place I am in now. I don’t not look back at that moment as a happy one though. It was truly survival mode.
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